From the pages of my very own personal “Shadow & Shine” Journaling session …
Please understand that the following Narrative is an extremely raw and vulnerable excerpt from the pages of my deeply personal “Shadow & Shine” Journaling Session.
While seemingly dark and distressing, please understand that this process demonstrates the True and Raw potential Power contained within our very own Transformation Narrative … If we choose it to be so.
It started with this …
“The Bushfires have been raging through Australia, ravaging our country, destroying our land, our animals, our properties, even killing people in its vengeful path.
“The world came to our aid – Hundreds of Millions of dollars in donations and the unending support of our strong and brave Firefighters, SES, Medical Staff and Wildlife Support, plus so many more that we can’t even list all the help we received.
“At the same time as all that, our government withdrew support, moneys generously donated have been withheld from where it is needed, our own Prime Minister turning his back on the people (Literally!!) as they cried out for help.
“Meanwhile our cattle and wildlife are dying to the tune of more than half a Billion animals due to fire and drought, yet millions of dollars are being sent overseas in foreign aid while our own people are stranded and homeless … and that doesn’t even touch our poor, destitute, homeless people living on the streets all across our nation.
“And then the Coronavirus bombarded my consciousness, and then the First Nation indigenous people’s rights are being denied, the flooding rains hit, and then avalanches killed people we knew and worked with, and then the conspiracy theories hit, and earthquakes shattered the earth in other parts of the world, and then … and then … and then …
“I don’t watch the news. I don’t watch tv. I don’t entertain media in all it’s forms except the ones I choose to have in my life, and only because they bring me joy.
“But here’s me, plugging away in my own little world, working towards my Desires and Dreams …
“Happy in my own space and being …
“And the sheer enormity of it all has hit me in one foul swoop on this one crazy day and all I can see is the horror and the pain – people, overwrought by all the dramatic events, unable to contain their grief, spilling it out in every conversation and interaction they had everywhere I went.
“And my heart and body crumbled into pits of sobbing release, unable to function.
“And so I have come to my journal, my safe haven when my world comes crashing down.
And I continued to write …
“The world is going to shit, so how can I be happy?
“The world is in crisis – financially, environmentally, politically, relationally – how can I knowingly make it harder for people by talking about business and a brighter, better future?
“All I see is the world falling apart with degraded values, irresponsibility, self-absorbed and selfish behaviour, ignorant uncaring and oblivious to consequences.”
Then fear hits me …
“One day the world will be wiped out by war and catastrophe and disease, all engineered by a government run by egotistical tyrants who don’t give a fuck and they simply laugh at other people’s pain and loss, and we have no say, and people don’t care.
“I’ve been here before, engulfed in the darkness, for years and years – experiencing the pain and the loss that no human should ever have to go through, yet here I am again, more than a decade later …
“And again I am so distressed by the state of affairs of the world and I can’t go back into my little box of ignorance – I can’t unsee this horror that’s unfolding before my eyes again, helpless to change anything, and not understanding how others can not be concerned or be doing more to help the world.
“I feel like I’m caught between 2 worlds, powerless and ignorant and like a deer trapped in headlights, seeing the light, but unable to move … sliding into despair and unable to warn anyone without disturbing their ignorance.
“My third eye has opened and I see it all … the beauty and utopia, as well as all the horror and destruction, … and I can’t cope with the atrocity.
“Where is my peace-filled happy world? Where did it go?
“I want everyone to be at peace and live a joy-filled happy fun and loving life, …
“But it just feels so naive that I can be happy and living in bliss when others are just so down-trodden and can’t help themselves, … and I can’t help and rescue them either, that’s why I feel so helpless.
“And now I am sliding again too and no-one can help me either.
“I can tell myself all the Bullshit in the world about how great the world is, but really that’s just being naive and playing pretend, deluding myself when things AREN’T right in the world.
“Who am I fucking kidding?
“Am I’m just lying to myself and trying to get others to drink the cool aid too?
“Well, that’s just not in integrity when things are so bad and yet I’m thinking that they’re good.
“But then I’m supposed to be grateful if I want things to flow and I’m supposed to be love and look at the positive, but am I just digging my head in the sand and moving deeper and deeper into denial?
“It feels like I’m broken again – Has it all been for nothing?
“Clearly nothing’s going to be able to fix me because my world, the world in its entirety is seemingly falling apart, and theres’ nothing I can do to fix it because I can’t even fix me!
“How can I be happy and satisfied and successful when my world is dying.
“Is being successful at other people’s expense?
“If I’m not able to change the very fabric of our existence on this planet, it’s like the foundations being rotten and no matter how nice a house/building/business you think you’ve got, you’re just full of shit if you think that everything will be just fine.
“When we have tyrants and corruption running the show, and pharma and governments enforcing that for the twisted entertainment of the tyrants and the egotistical maniacs that have the money and power to manipulate us with their viruses, their genetically and chemically tampered foods …
“What hope do we really have?
“Not much I would say.
“And when I know I don’t have the right people and systems representing for the good of all, I get scared.
“When I feel the effects of that corruption, I do more than that – I absolutely shit myself and go into an emotional panic – it rattles my cage of ignorance and puts me back in my place of FULL awareness.
“Why can nobody else see this?
“Because they live in ignorance!!
“And they live in fear and can’t afford to look outside their own little worlds.
“They are running scared on a treadmill that never turns off! Never letting them catch their breath. Sliding into overwhelm, exhaustion & burnout, diseased and depressed with no end in sight.
“And it’s all just another day at the office for them! Until the weekend where they move into a mindless stupor that holds them hostage.
“Who are they to think they can create change? They can barely change the tv channel!!
“But what about those that do see it, are they just as tormented as me? How long have they been stuck in their own darkness?
“And what of those that speak up and demand change?
“They are ostracised, condemned and threatened, if not not killed … … …
“But I am the deer, stuck in headlights.
“Facing the facts …
“Yes, I am gentle.
“Yes, I can run.
“Yes, I have an abundance.
“Yes, I live in peace.
“AND still …
“Here come the headlights out of the darkness.
“They are real.
“They don’t see me, or if they do, they don’t care. They are coming anyway.
“It doesn’t matter if I run to warn others.
“I am small.
“I am powerless.
“I am ineffectual.
“It’s not going to change anything.
“I am dead.
“We are all dead!”
And so it’s here that I was so overcome with grief and all the other emotions that were drowning me …
That I realised I needed to reach out for help …
And it was as I was finishing reading my Journal entry to my trusted companion,
Seeking to make sense of it all …
that I heard the tiny “whisper” in the back of my mind
Fighting to find resolution … … …
“UNLESS … …”
And then it got louder and stronger …
And I began to write again!
“Make a Choice!
And then the Shadows began to recede as the wisdom and light poured in …
“When we recognise that we are engulfed in darkness, on an endless loop, or even immobilised, we can Stop, Step Back, and Climb Up to The Lookout where we can see the situation from a 40,000 foot view.
“If in that moment of awakening we see that our life is dark, we need to see with Perspective and ask ourselves these questions …
- How long have I been in darkness for – Is it Momentary or Enduring?
- Can we see ANY light at all?
- Are we “Belly Up” actively looking for the light?
- Or are we “Belly Down” feeling totally helpless, lost and drowning in the mud that surrounds us?
- Do we want that to change?
“If the answer to this last one is anything less than an emphatic “Yes” to finding the light in our lives and acting on that, then we are destined to be subjected to a steady stream of more sad, hopeless scenarios bombarding our consciousness and our lives.
“And so we must ask again …
- “Is that REALLY what we want for ourselves, our families and the world?
- “Or would we rather play a bigger game, a bolder, brighter and more impactful game?
“And that is totally a CHOICE from this point forward, for as of Today, as we read these very words, we have before us the way out of the darkness.
“And what is now known, cannot become unknown.
“Irrespective of how long we’ve been floating in the quagmire, whether we’re Belly Up or Belly Down, TODAY is the day that we can change our stars, for right here, right now we are being shown the way.
“But be warned …
“This road requires heart.
“This road requires commitment.
“This road will challenge at every step.
“But also be assured …
“If we Never EVER Give Up,
“We’ll get there.”
And then an image flashed across my mind …
“Do you know this symbol?
“Now don’t jump to conclusions – that’s usually what gets us here in the first place – jumping to conclusions – and it serves no good at all.
“Yes, this is the ancient symbol of Yin Yang.
“It signifies many things to many people, but TODAY it, along with some other simple tools, will become the Roadmap and the Keys to our “Success”.
“Ok, so we’ve answered our questions …
“Now it’s time to put those markers on the road map in simple and meaningful ways, as well as learn how to use the tools.
“Imagine that the black on the right hand side of the image (B) is called ‘The Lake of Darkness’, while the other white side (D) is called ‘The Ocean of Light’.
“Now, let’s say, as many others believe is true, that the small white circle (C) is called the beauty, or glimmer of hope in the darkness – let’s call this ‘The Boat of Light’.
“And let’s say, that the small black circle (A) is called ‘The Boat of Darkness’, the shadow or scar against perfection.
“Coming back to our answers, if our own personal darkness is Momentary in an otherwise wonderful life, or perhaps is one singular facet of our life that is in struggle in our otherwise wonderful existence, …
“Perhaps we need to recognise that we have simply bumped into ‘The Boat of Darkness’ (A) – maybe we just needed some momentary contrast? Or maybe it’s a lesson we need to be aware of so as to not perpetuate the pain?
“Then one would say we are at point (A) on our Roadmap.
“However, if we find our darkness is Enduring, that’s another story entirely, and depends on whether we are Belly Up or Belly Down.
“Our level of mental and emotional maturity and intelligence severely impact our outcomes in ALL these situations.
“Thankfully each of these can be developed and honed, if we choose them to be so, simply and easily, and best addressed by pausing, withholding judgement and rash decisions, and Stepping Back and Climbing Up to The Lookout to get that 40,000 foot view – a more objective Perspective that has the power to transform our lives.
“Instead of being the lackey on the floor, fighting against a lost cause without an objective perspective and sacrificing much in the process, in that moment of deciding to Step Back and Climb Up, we instantaneously raise ourselves to the position of the Person In Charge, and immediately we claim full power and 100% personal responsibility for what happens next.
“Those that Choose NOT to step up to this role will often continue to fall prey to victimhood and blame, and we can trust that no good ever came from staying in that position. They only cultivate more struggle and darkness and strife.
“Beware the serial Struggler!
“So let’s say we DECIDE to step up and become the Person In Charge …
“Firstly, we get the lay of the land and we establish the truth of where we’re at … is this Momentary or Enduring?
“Remember, Momentary = Black circle on White (A)
“Or Enduring = Somewhere in the Black on the right hand side (B).
“If in this situation, we are Belly Up, we can see the small white circle (C) like a beacon of light in the ‘Lake of Darkness’ (B) – and even if we can’t see it, we just KNOW it’s got to be there!!
“But be aware!
“Sometimes we can say we see the light but aren’t actually wanting it!!
“This is where it all seems too hard, or we are receiving benefit from something else by staying here, but we have to say we see the light so that others will leave us alone or will indeed give us more attention!
“And this is a really clear warning indicator!!!
“If we don’t move, we will surely be crushed by our own naiveté more than anything!!!
“But if we are Belly Down, all we will see is Blackness …. Everywhere …. Wth no end in sight!
“Stay here and the very cells of your body and brain will adapt to accommodate your depressive outlook, giving you the excuses to justify your position and making things just that much more difficult for you.
“But in as much as your cells have adapted over time to mirror your own internal darkness, with a DECISION they can also begin to re-adapt to reflect more light!
“Bullshit!!!” we may emphatically cry.
“The role of this Narrative is not designed to convince us, but to show us the way out of the darkness. The question is… Do we want to get out or not?
“If we choose to fight for our limitation, then we will have them and that will be totally our choice!
“But we will continue to struggle until we are willing to release our attachment to that which imprisons us.
“We will remain Belly Down for as long as we CHOOSE to.
“And did you know that people can drown in an inch of mud?
“But one DECISION, made again and again and again in the direction of your Dreams, can begin to turn it all around!!
“The responsible Person In Charge has chosen to Step Back and Climb Up to The Lookout to use the 40,000 foot view to gain the healthy perspective needed to navigate their way out of the darkness.
“But how do we do that? It all seems so hard!!!!
“Firstly, having already established the answers …
- Is this Momentary or Enduring?
- Where is the Light?
- Am I choosing to be Belly Up or Belly Down?
- Do I need to change that?
“We then go about the business of transforming our condition.
“From here it’s a simple matter …
DECIDE to get off the ‘Boat of Darkness’ (A) in an otherwise light and good world, so we can get back to feeling good in our ‘Ocean of Light’, or
DECIDE to roll over to be Belly Up (B) and CHOOSE to do what it takes to make our way to ‘The Boat of Light’ (C) even though it may appear to be soooo far away.
“But one way or another, we are going to row that Motherfucker over to the land of Milk and Honey in ‘The Ocean of Light’.
Are you with me so far?
Who wants to know how to get clear so they can Step Back and Climb Up so they can rise up above the darkness?
“The truth is, as the symbology of the Yin Yang states, there is no light without the dark, and within the dark there is still light … And only ignorance and choice keeps us in darkness alone.
“And it’s when we become aware and can wake up to this fact that we immediately become the Person In Charge.
“The question then becomes “Do we want to engage our mental and emotional maturity and intelligence so that we can begin creating a life of light? Instead of being dark and heavy?”
So after Awareness, how do we make the shift?
“As much as the law of Gravity surely pulls everything toward the earth, the laws of Quantum Physics demonstrates that like attracts like, and the presence of Love and Gratitude either accelerates or decelerates this process.
“That is, an abundance of Love and Gratitude moves us toward a life of light …
“While a lack of Love and Gratitude hurtles us toward a life of darkness.
“Yes, there is always going to be both light and darkness, but where and how we live is a CHOICE!
“The more we focus our attention on the good things with Love and Gratitude, in spite of the evidence of darkness, the quicker we will reverse that heavy energetic charge within and around us, bringing us to the same frequency of that which we are focusing on.
“But if all we are focusing on is the darkness and negativity, getting all charged up with fear and complaining and blaming, the more of what we fear and complain and blame about will show up in our life.
“So now we get to ask “Are we paddling ‘The Boat of Light’ (C)? Or ‘The Boat of Darkness’ (A)?” and “What are we powering them with – Love or Fear?”
“Here’s a clue …
“If we’re complaining, blaming, worried, stressed, fearful, angry or frustrated and the like, then chances are we’re drowning in the ‘Lake of Darkness’ (B) or momentarily paddling ‘The Boat of Darkness’ (A) over towards the ‘Lake of Darkness’ (B), which seriously bodes no good for the person in the boat if we continue to do that!!!
“Our DECISION, our focus, our Love and our Gratitude have The Power to Transform EVERYTHING.”
Now that may sound like a bunch of new age airy-fairy mumbo jumbo Bullshit to you, and if you hold to that opinion like I did in the beginning, then that’s fine …
“Keep fighting for your limitations, for you will surely keep them.”
Like my journaling wisdom said, …
“The role of this Narrative is not designed to convince us, but rather to show us the way out, and how to use the tools to do so.”
The choice is ours!!
And that’s when I realised that I’d been doing this for years without even realising it!!
It was one part of my Formula For “Success”.
Every time I would succumb to the darkness, even when I felt like I was in the ‘Lake of Darkness’ (B), I would always do my best to roll over to get Belly Up. I would always look for the light even though I was still crying and there was still mud in my eyes.
What other options were there?
More darkness, more struggle, more pain?
Surely there is more to life than this? would always cross my mind!
And even though the thought of suicide was my handy companion for many years after my brain injury, offering me the way out many times, …
With every fibre of my being I CHOSE each and every time to rise up against it and I would fight and resist it.
Sometimes I would need help, sometimes I wouldn’t …
But I CHOSE that I would not give in.
I VOWED & DECLARED that I would Never EVER Give Up – That I would Never EVER give the darkness the satisfaction of keeping this good woman down.
I mean if I was to survive the horrors of my own life, then SURELY I was meant to be here for Something!!!??
I just had to find out what it was!! And I couldn’t do that if I left the planet.
I could see others having the time of their lives, and so I knew it was possible.
I just didn’t always know if it was possible for me.
But I so desperately WANTED it to be for me, and I just KNEW that if I gave in, then none of that happiness and joy would EVER be mine in this lifetime.
And I sure as hell didn’t want to have to come back and do it all over again!! No thank you!!!
So I was determined to NEVER let the darkness win so that I could experience my days of joy and abundance in this lifetime – and I committed to it no matter how long it took me to make it happen.
And I did it!
I made it!
But it was only through my CHOICE to look for the light!!
Again and again and again!!
So when the darkness hits these days, which doesn’t happen very often now that I CHOOSE to live in ‘The Ocean of Light’, … I KNOW it is just me bumping into ‘The Boat of Darkness’ (A) and I usually understand that I have something to learn from it.
Even though it feels very deep and very real and all encompassing at the time, I CHOOSE not to climb aboard ‘The Boat of Darkness’ (A).
I realise I have forgotten Love, and so I CHOOSE not to power it with anymore Fear and instead I bulk up on Love and Light.
I CHOOSE not to be ignorant and instead CHOOSE to look for, until I get, the lesson.
I CHOOSE not to dig my head in the sand anymore, and instead CHOOSE to look for, and get, the wisdom.
And just like I’ve done so many times before, I take appropriate Aligned Action to get the balance back, to get back into the full embrace of ‘The Ocean of Light’ (D) – Getting help with that where I need it.
And while I am not saying I do this without support, I CHOOSE to show up each and every time, and I CHOOSE to go all in, and I NEVER expected that others should do it for me.
And I love on myself and the situation, I pour compassion and wisdom and understanding and forgiveness into it all.
And do you know how long it took me to turn it all around this time?
To go from seriously dark back to my usual incredibly light space?
Once I understood the lesson, it took me less than 5 minutes to turn it all around and to get back into the Light of Love!!
Where it used to take days, weeks or even months 20 years ago … with breakdown after breakdown after breakdown racking my body, my mind and my nervous system till they could no longer function, losing time, losing dignity, breaking family, furniture and trust, these days it takes less than 5 minutes with no medication, no side-effects, no loss or breakage of anything!!
And thankfully these episodes are now few and far between!
Yet I STILL choose not let it get the better of me – EVER!
I never underestimate the devastating power of ‘The Darkness’ in its ability to sneak in and manipulate me, so I am forever mindful of keeping my Light clean and clear – and I do that, amongst other things, with Love & Compassion and a deep commitment to claim my own Personal Power.
And none of that happened until I was willing to lean into my pain, to be 100% WITH my pain, to feel it in it’s entirety, to expose every dark crevice so that I could pour the healing power of Love & Forgiveness into all of it, so I could be free.
And the lesson from this Dance with Darkness at this particular point in time?
That I was ready, and that it was time for me to remember what those days were like so that I could share my knowledge and wisdom of how to Rise Up with those who are ready to embrace their very own “Success” Journey.
Yes, it’s taken me a long time to get to this point from the pain of the early days, but unlike you, right here right now, I didn’t have anyone showing me the way.
I didn’t have access to all the tools and information available. I didn’t have access to the support and services and programs that I now offer my clients.
It’s all been trial and error and searching for the way out for 21 years – I was the ‘Miracle Patient’ – there was no one there to guide me because they washed their hands of me when they said there was nothing more they could do.
But I did it anyway!!
And I found a way.
Has it been hard at times?
Has it challenged every fibre of my being at times?
Has it asked me ‘How bad do you want it?’
My answer was always “Yes!”
But has letting go of the pain, the struggle, the sacrifice been worth it?
And so now I am here, being me, doing me, clear and transparent, and CHOOSING to step up as a loving guiding light to those that CHOOSE to rise up as well.
🌺 If YOU know you are serious about turning your life around … I hear you, I see you, I feel you, and I am here … But you’ve got to do the work.
- Decide to Step Up TODAY to become the Person In Charge of your life again – Be bold and be brave, and if it moves you, take it one step further and DECLARE it!!!
- Go get a copy of the book “The Power” by Rhonda Byrne and apply it diligently to your life Every. Single. Day.It will seriously change your life!!
🌺 If you’re interested in learning more about the deeper specifics of this process and how it can serve you …
🌺 If you are prepared to give up that which doesn’t serve you and decide that you will do whatever it takes to turn your life around, …
🌺 If you know you need the love and support of an uplifting community of people who are deeply committed to living well, and are willing to do the work that it takes to make that happen …
Then connect with the person that introduced you to this page and they can help get you started with the next brighter, healthier, happier chapter of your life …
If you have any questions, or wish to make your declaration to someone who actually cares, please feel free to reach out here …
Until Next Time …
J. xxOOxx #ENJOYTheJourney!! 🌺❤️🌺
Joy S. Fisher
Your Transformation Partner in “Success”
“From #MessedUp to #MumLife to #FreedomPreneurLifeSTYLE”
🌺 Life IS about Light and Dark
🌺 There is darkness in light and light in darkness if you would only but look for it.
🌺 Being Belly Up or Belly Down will determine if you see the light or not – it’s just a DECISION to try.
🌺 It’s just a DECISION which boat you wish to paddle – the Boat of Light or the Boat of Darkness.
🌺 What you focus on is what you will attract to you.
🌺 And abundance of Love and Gratitude powers the Boat of Light and a lack of Love and Gratitude powers the darkness.
🌺 Anything that is not founded in Love and Gratitude is founded in fear.
🌺 Your DECISION, your focus, your Love and your Gratitude will transform EVERYTHING.
🌺 If you fight for your limitations you will surely receive them.
🌺 If you focus on your “Success” you will surely receive that too.
If you are not part of our “Success” Through Journaling” program, but would like to join, then please go here … http://bit.ly/TSTS-SuccessThroughJournaling